guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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