now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
