I feel great
I just peed on a car
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
