Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
