Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
