my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
