I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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