i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
