Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
