maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
