I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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