Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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