But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
