Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
