i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
