I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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