I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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