Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is her dick bigger than yours?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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