Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
