Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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