Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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