i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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