the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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