this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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