i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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