i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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