Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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