my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
