i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
