Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
