dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
love makes seman taste better
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
