Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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