I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
