Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
