If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
