why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
