What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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