He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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