he thought i was a dude.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
