I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We are two peas in an std pod
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
