Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
birth control should be required to get into college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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