you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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