sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
