so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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