Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
