So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
