he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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