Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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