My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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