i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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