Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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