I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You may now shotgun with the bride
That accounts for only three of the penises
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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